I’ve always been good at being self-sufficient. If I had a problem, I’d find a way to fix it. If I were feeling sad, I would realize it was my responsibility to make sure I stopped feeling that way. Essentially, I’ve always had the logical sense to realize that nobody else could fix my problems; I knew I had to be responsible and take care of them myself. In many ways, I applied that to my relationship with God. He had good works prepared for me to do, so I’d better get my act together and get them done, right?
For as long as I can remember, my dream has been to become a wife and mother. In my mind, the ideal scenario was to start dating in late high school, get married fresh out of college, and start a family not long after. The only problem was that there was never a guy in the picture. I finished high school without dating anyone, so needless to say, things didn’t start out the way I had imagined.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been the “Good Girl.” The kind one. The honest one. The encouraging one. The happy one. The good one. I knew the right things to do and say: what my family wanted, what my friends wanted, even what I thought God wanted. I was polished on the outside, doing all the “right” things, but on the inside, I was selfish. I was angry. I felt inadequate. I was driven by performance and perfection.
Like most of you, I love to watch rom-coms. I’m not the biggest fan of the Hallmark channel, but my parents are in December and February. My personal favorite movie is 10 Things I Hate About You, but I am definitely a sucker for the storylines in The Notebook, The Longest Ride, The Proposal, The Lucky One and plenty of Disney favorites (I am a proud Disney fanatic, no shame). But friends, we need to WAKE UP.
If I were to imagine myself there in Bethlehem all those years ago, walking toward baby Jesus in His manger, I imagine I would be met with an inner conflict. Yes, this baby is to be the Savior of the world; however, I think I would be wrestling with the thought of how dirty I felt in His presence. He was born as an act of love to save me, yet if this baby could comprehend all the struggles in my brain and all the sins I wrestle with…well, wouldn’t that be a tad inappropriate?
Men are individuals, not appliances that we can fix. People can change, but don’t convince yourself that you can influence him to love Jesus just as much as you because you can’t. Only God can do that, and he will do it in his own time.
It was then I asked the question: where is God? I knew Him my entire life, I knew He was good, I knew He had my back, but I couldn’t feel him. I didn’t feel fulfilled. Even after reading every cliche quote about who you are, nothing made me feel significant enough.
"Sticks and stones may break your bones.... but words will hurt too." You're fat. I don't like you. You're ugly. Your'e dumb. It's amazing how hurtful words can be when we put our confidence in what people think. [Insert the big BUT (with one "t") here] BUT You are more than your weight. BUT You … Continue reading Sticks and Stones
Popularity. Aka – the favor of the general public….or something that used to be measured by whether or not you were offered an invitation to sit at the cool girl’s table at lunch. But today we often judge our social status by the number of likes our latest post on Facebook or Instagram receives. We’ve … Continue reading The Power of the “Like”
One of the best things after Valentine's Day? Getting a sweet-tooth fix... for cheap. Just walk into Target and you'll find aisles of discounted Valentine's Day chocolate. Pink colored m&m's, a box of Russel Stover's candies, heart-shaped Sweet Tarts.... they've got it all. Unfortunately, it's not just the candy that is devalued post-Valentine's Day. It's … Continue reading Discounted Candy & Cheap Romance