AMH blog series \\ Putting Love in Its Place

Alright ladies, listen up.

Like most of you, I love to watch rom-coms. I’m not the biggest fan of the Hallmark channel, but my parents are in December and February. My personal favorite movie is 10 Things I Hate About You, but I am definitely a sucker for the storylines in The Notebook, The Longest Ride, The Proposal, The Lucky One and plenty of Disney favorites (I am a proud Disney fanatic, no shame).  But friends, we need to WAKE UP.

If you can honestly tell me these movies are solely for your girls nights and silly enjoyment, you may continue on with your day.

If these movies are clouding your ability to distinguish “real life” relationships from “movie relationships” then you should consider reading this blog. If you aren’t sure which category you’re in, you’ve probably never considered the content of this topic, and I would definitely encourage you to continue reading.

Once Upon A Time…

I could honestly write an entire book about all the ways Hollywood is skewing our expectations of real life. For example, the scene in the movies where the characters yell at each other and throw stuff until they’re both crying and then hug and then everything is magically fixed? Yeah, 99/100 times, REAL life doesn’t happen like that. For the sake of your time, I won’t rant at you about the movie industry that I am guilty of supporting, but instead focus my thoughts in a way that will hopefully help you.

Recently one of my dear best friends (who gave me permission to reference her experiences) had some personal troubles with her boyfriend. It brought to my attention the disastrous effect that the Hollywood movie industry has on relationships, even if we don’t realize the mess it creates.

Ladies, your relationship in real life will never resemble the Rom-Coms. Here’s why:

1. Expectations Kill Relationships.

My dear friend to whom I will reference told me continuously that her boyfriend was not doing certain things for her that “he should know that she wanted him to do.” This might come as a surprise to some of you, but the “boyfriends” in the movies have scripts. These scripts were written by extremely smart and researched playwrights who know exactly how to give you the feels, make you fall in love with the story line, and get you emotionally attached to the characters. They know exactly what behaviors and words to write in the man’s script so that you fall in love with the way he treats his lady – and that can unconsciously feed your expectations for real life relationships. Your boyfriend does NOT have a script. You can’t expect him to. Men in real life cannot be expected to read your mind about your emotional and physical needs – that is an unrealistic expectation to put on another human being.  If he has never had a girlfriend before, he won’t know what he’s doing and is likely nervous enough. If he has had a girlfriend, he’s starting at square 1 with you because you are a different person than anyone he might have dated in the past. My dear friend realized how much importance communication holds within a relationship. A huge help in her relationship has been talking through the motives with her boyfriend about why they each are doing the things they are doing and clarifying what the other person wants or needs.

2. You Don’t Get 24042808 Takes

I contest, that was an exaggeration. To be fair, sometimes movie scenes will take 20 or more times to get the movie content that we see. This is because humans aren’t perfect. We don’t say words right, we get nervous, we laugh at our own mistakes. Actors don’t make mistakes. As people they do, but those same smart people who write the scripts watch the scenes take place and pose every move the actors make. And they sometimes take days to get a scene to be perfect. I’ve actually seen a few movie documentaries that talk about how awkward the actors feel during certain scenes because they are posed so carefully. We also have to take into account that relationships are NOT perfect – because they are composed of two imperfect people in a messy world – where our lives are not edited to perfection, where we get ONE chance to choose our words and actions. I don’t know about you, but I can recognize that I am not perfect on the first try and would like to imagine that I will extend that grace to my future significant other.

3. He Will Not Complete You – And He Wasn’t Meant To.

Travel with me down memory lane to your favorite romantic movie. The girl looks at the guy with that “I know you’re the one for me” look in her eyes, or the girl catches the guy staring at her and he says “You’re exactly what I’ve been waiting for my entire life.” Now snap yourself back to reality. Your boyfriend cannot make you feel complete. It’s literally impossible – I promise. If you are waiting for the person who gives you that “he completes me” feeling, you will be waiting forever because you are looking in the wrong place. My dear best friend kept telling me that she wasn’t happy and it was because her boyfriend wasn’t fulfilling her in that way. While you should be happy to be with your significant other, your happiness and fulfillment should not depend on them. If you are depending on your significant other for happiness, you will be disappointed every single time. This is because of both of the above reasons, men cannot and should not be expected to read your mind and know exactly what you want, and they won’t be able to deliver their words and actions perfectly every time – if ever.

A True Happily Ever After….

“See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the elemental spiritual forces of this world rather than on Christ. For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form and in Christ you have been brought to fullness” (Colossians 2:8-10).

If you are in a relationship, I hope you can begin the healing process with your significant other to have the right view of their role in your life. If you’re single like me, I hope that you can begin the healing process in your own heart so that by the time a great guy comes along, your heart will be in the best condition possible. If through this blog you realized that the Hollywood Rom-Com industry has affected your view of relationships, I pray for your healing heart. I pray you will be able to either watch those movies with a realistic lens, or, if it’s best for you, refrain from watching those types of movies altogether. I pray that you are able to turn to Jesus to get that “completes me” feeling, because that is the ONLY place you will be able to find it.