Sometimes I just want to lead an easy life, to fit in instead of standing out because of my convictions, to feel comfort in the midst of what can be a lonely life. Thanks be to God that my deepest desire is to lead a life that is committed to passionately pursuing Him. But my flesh battles against the Holy Spirit within me...an easy, comfortable life has a luring appeal.
My husband and I are celebrating our five year anniversary. In some ways it seems new. Like we got married yesterday. And in other ways, knowing him feels like knowing every last word to my favorite song.
I remember the feeling. I was fourteen years old, lying in my dark bedroom, staring wide-eyed at the ceiling like a starless night sky. I’d pray to feel something, see something. A constellation of His presence. A confirmation of His love. I just wanted to feel close to God.
We'd just celebrated our second Valentine's Day as a married couple. I loved my job. Life was good. And then I got the phone call that no wife wants to get.
How are we supposed to know we aren’t messing up God’s plan for our lives? How are we supposed to know this is the right person to date or marry? How are we supposed to know this is the right college to attend? Since we are searching for God’s will, we get caught up in an endless cycle of anxiety and indecision because we don’t want to mess up God’s plan. As a result, we sit and wait, hoping that God will show up and do something for us.
I’ve always found Mary’s response to the shepherds sharing what the angels told them sweet, but now, as a new mom it holds new depth. Mary wasn’t just being sentimental, she was being wise.
The part that most people tend to overlook is that we are to submit to one another. We found that we appreciate each other so much more when we serve one another and share everyday responsibilities instead of merely focusing on our own. So my husband washes the dishes. I do too. Usually I cook. Sometimes he cleans. He pulls weeds. I mow the lawn. I do a load of laundry, then he does. We are careful not to assign jobs based on gender roles because we know being husband and wife isn’t about who works indoors and who works outdoors. It's a mirror of Christ and the church.
Some may say I burned out. But that wouldn’t explain this burning passion for Jesus inside of me. Some may call it settling. But God's Word calls it serving. I don't want a better job or a more impressive job title. I already had that. What I want is more of God.
You don't have to look far to see a world in sin and error pining. Working at a news station, my awareness is only heightened. I am daily reminded of our need for a Savior, and it makes me all the more grateful for the hope that I have in Christ.
I was assigned the role of a pregnant, homeless teenager for the church Christmas musical. "How ironic is it that I speak and blog for a purity ministry and I’m playing the part of a pregnant teenager?” I should’ve known right then and there that it was time for a heart check.
