Short shorts, tank tops and temptation

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Contributor: Emmarie Moon

I cannot dance. Seriously, ask any of my high school friends how good of a dancer I am and I promise they will all laugh, especially when it comes to freestyle. I’m pretty sure I did the sprinkler at my senior prom.

So when I found out that we had dance fitness (formerly known as Zumba) at my college for free, I was super excited. I can at least functionally do choreographed dance moves, and most of the other Dutch girls could move about the same as myself.

Along with having a great time working up a sweat doing fun dance moves, we have an amazing instructor. Jenna is an extremely fit, godly mother of three kids. She is not only a really great and encouraging dance instructor, but she likes to give us really great (sometimes uncomfortable) advice on female matters. She talks about her kids’ puberty issues, her gynecologist, and sex very openly. A few weeks ago, she talked to us about the frequently asked question “how far is too far?” She talked about how she dated a guy for six years before her husband, and although they hadn’t slept together, they did some things that don’t make her super proud. She also talked about how  it was hard for her to “flip the switch” when she got married.

The switch? What’s the switch? I have only heard about this so called “switch” for a few months. It refers to the mental change from being in a relationship to being married, the switch from telling yourself “no” when it comes to sex to suddenly saying “yes” and being expected to love it. Because Jenna spent time engaging in activities that were questionable, she often had to say “no” before things went too far. When she got married, she had to spend a lot of time changing the thoughts in her head when she was with her husband.

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How Perfectionism Drove Me to Pornography.

To be honest, this is probably one of the hardest things I have ever written about. God placed this idea on my heart for a while now, and I’ve avoided it like crazy. But here I am. I’ll let you decide who won that argument.

You ever meet those people who walk around classrooms fixing every table so that they’re all lined up perfectly to one another? Or the kind who go around working every little detail that doesn’t make sense to them? Or better yet, the ones who come across as super controlling and an idea generally never works for them unless it’s theirs?

Yes. I am all the above. Every single one.

I absolutely Love to plan things and I LOVE when things turn out PERFECT to the T…at least my version of perfect, anyway.

I think that in many ways, our culture glorifies this. The idea that we need to know what we’re doing and that we need to constantly be pushing ourselves to not just win some sort of (success) race, but to win that race by ten miles. Coming in first is no longer enough. In order to be happy, life needs to be perfect, Right?

I mean, how many times have we watched movies in which the woman is looking for the ‘perfect’ man or someone is looking for the ‘perfect’ job? How often has that happy ending been the ‘perfect‘ ending–where everything goes back to the way it’s supposed to be?

But here’s the real truth:
My obsession with perfectionism, drove me into an addiction to pornography.

Growing up as a pastor’s kid, I never thought that I would ever struggle with porn. And I was a woman, so the odds of me ever dealing with something like this were super slim…right?

That was probably the first mistake I made: When we underestimate the power of temptation, we fall right into it.

How does perfectionism play into this?

You see, when you constantly live with the idea that life needs to be perfect in order for you to attain true joy, you get muddled up into a whole lot of bad habits because you’re chasing after something that really isn’t there.

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