You've realized that life isn’t always rainbows and butterflies. That rainbows come after a storm, and butterflies are birthed through a time of change and growth. You're holding out hope that your rainbow is coming. That their is purpose behind the pain.
It can be tempting to not go deeper. Oh believe me, it can be so tempting. Staying hollow, staying laid-back, it can seem so safe. But as women (though this trait often gets attributed to men) we're born for adventure. We're born to make an impact, and above all, we're born to live knowing we're loved by God. He designed us to soak in His strength each and every day.
We live in a time where tolerance and acceptance is the anthem of our culture. We are told to love and not judge. And usually that means accept anything, even if it doesn’t line up with our moral convictions.
I get it. It can be confusing knowing how to live out your faith in a practical way. You want to love Jesus and be a good Christian, but sometimes it can be hard to know how. Sometimes Christians do a great job demonstrating what it looks like to “Be a Christian”, but sometimes Christians are completely uninspiring or conduct themselves in a way that makes calling yourself a Christian seem downright embarrassing.
Sometimes I just want to lead an easy life, to fit in instead of standing out because of my convictions, to feel comfort in the midst of what can be a lonely life. Thanks be to God that my deepest desire is to lead a life that is committed to passionately pursuing Him. But my flesh battles against the Holy Spirit within me...an easy, comfortable life has a luring appeal.
I remember the feeling. I was fourteen years old, lying in my dark bedroom, staring wide-eyed at the ceiling like a starless night sky. I’d pray to feel something, see something. A constellation of His presence. A confirmation of His love. I just wanted to feel close to God.