Spencer made a big first impression, and Anna couldn’t stop thinking about him! She was interested first, but it didn’t take long for Spencer to take things to the next level! What I love about their love story is the way Anna wasn’t afraid to express interest while still waiting for Spencer to show initiative.
They are both realistic about how much work and intentionality a God-honoring relationship takes. Rather than freaking out over every minor imperfection, they look to the only One who is Perfect – Jesus Christ. The desire to be like Him is perhaps the most important quality of all. Together, they encourage and support one another to become more like Christ every day!
Describe your husband in three words.
loyal, fun, patient
How did you and your husband meet?
We met at Engedi Church in Holland, Michigan. One Sunday morning when I was a senior at Hope College, I went to church with my friends. A guy (Spencer) sat down by himself a few seats away from me. During the classic church, “turn and say good morning to someone near you,” we started talking. Spencer was easy to talk to and we discovered right away that we had some mutual friends. I was so distracted the rest of the service because I couldn’t stop thinking about this new guy! The thought, “You should give him your phone number” popped into my head. I knew right away that this thought was from the Lord because I would never be bold enough to do that on my own. I got scared and didn’t say anything, but couldn’t stop thinking about him all day. I found Spencer through our mutual friends on Instagram and ended up direct messaging him to see if we could get coffee together. He said yes!
Who was interested first?
As you can tell from how we met, I was definitely more interested first. I was impressed that this guy would show up at church by himself. He was also really cute! Then, on our first date, I loved hearing about his involvement in a campus ministry at GVSU and his overall faith journey. Even though I had been the one to make the first move and I really liked him, I wanted Spencer to initiate an actual dating relationship. After our first date, I waited for him to reach back out and take the lead, which he quickly did 🙂
What qualities about your husband made you realize he was marriage material?
In middle school, I remember making a list of all of the characteristics that my dream husband should have. While this isn’t necessarily a bad exercise and can help you decide what qualities are important in a future spouse, it made me fearful that if a guy didn’t meet every criteria on my checklist, then I was making a mistake and marrying the wrong person. Early on while dating Spencer, I received advice to look for a willingness to grow rather than perfection. While Spencer fulfilled my “must-have’s” for a spouse, he was still a human who wasn’t perfect and would sometimes mess up or hurt me. Rather than being overally critical and freaking out each time an area of sin was exposed, I looked to see how Spencer would handle the sin. Could he humbly admit his faults or was he pridefully defensive? Did Spencer exhibit a willingness to repent and grow, or was he content to stay stuck in unhealthy habits? While there were many qualities about Spencer that made him marriage material, his openness about his faults and desire to become more like Jesus really stood out to me.
What was your favorite detail of your wedding day?
I loved our wedding day! It was truly such a special day of celebration! I honestly can’t pick just one favorite detail, so here are some highlights:
- Seeing Spencer for the first time! I had butterflies all day and was SO excited to see him!
- Celebrating with all our favorite people. It was such a special gift to start our marriage with a team of people who we knew would support us in the years to come. And it made for such a fun dance party later!
- Meaningful, intentional moments with friends and family (ex. my bridesmaids and mom praying over me before the ceremony, a first look with my Dad)
What’s your best advice to young women in dating relationships?
Date in community! Let your close friends and family hang out with your new boyfriend often so that they can get to know him. Then, ask your most important people what they think about your boyfriend and give them opportunities to offer honest feedback. If your friends and family ask you questions about your relationship, be transparent and don’t sugarcoat anything. Dating in community also allows you to see how your boyfriend acts around others and gives you a glimpse at what his life was like before you came into the picture. Don’t start dating and become an island, but intentionally place yourselves around others often.
What’s your best advice for those pursuing sexual purity?
Two pieces of advice come to mind. First, invite accountability into your life. When Spencer and I started dating, I told one of my best friends that she had the freedom to ask me about my physical relationship with Spencer at any time. She prayed over my sexual purity with Spencer, helped keep me accountable to the boundaries we had set, and listened with grace when I confessed crossing a boundary.
Second, don’t let going past a boundary become the new standard. If you and your boyfriend go beyond a physical boundary that you have set, don’t allow that mistake to open up the door to further sexual sin. Instead, confess, repent, and re-evaulate how you can help each other stay pure and committed to the boundaries you have set.
What has been your biggest lesson in marriage?
Last year I read the book Marriage by Paul David Tripp. He talks about how we are sinners married to sinners. While that may sound like a bleak statement, I have found it to be a truth that reveals more of God’s character.
First of all, Tripp’s message says that I am a sinner. This is quickly revealed in the intimate relationship of marriage, which is like holding up a magnifying glass to all my faults and imperfections. This can be painful! But, when I enter my marriage with a humble heart, then I can acknowledge my sin and ask the Lord to help transform me.
Tripp also says that I am married to a sinner. That means that sometimes, Spencer will mess up and I will be hurt. When this happens, God gives me the opportunity to extend forgiveness, just as He does for us.
If I am a sinner, and if Spencer is a sinner, then wow, we really need the Lord in our marriage. God is perfect, holy, and good. When we fail, He is steady. When our marriage feels hard, God is there to provide help and wisdom. When we sin, God forgives us completely. As 2 Corinthians 12:9 says, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” It is okay if marriage feels hard sometimes – this doesn’t mean that you are a failure or that you married the wrong person. It just means that you are a sinner, married to a sinner, and that you both need Jesus.
How do you keep God the focus of your relationship?
I think that first, you need to have a healthy individual relationship with God. My relationship with Spencer is better when I am in God’s Word every day and spending time in prayer. And I love to hear what Spencer is learning about or talking to God about during his own devotional time!
Another way that we keep God the focus is through how we navigate conflict. We have to stop and remind each other that even though it may feel like it at times, we are not each other’s enemy. The real enemy, Satan, hates Christian marriages and will do anything that he can to destroy this sacred covenant. Remembering who the battle is really against when we are upset with one another has helped us to stop, pray, and rely on God instead.
