How Perfectionism Drove Me to Pornography.

To be honest, this is probably one of the hardest things I have ever written about. God placed this idea on my heart for a while now, and I’ve avoided it like crazy. But here I am. I’ll let you decide who won that argument.

You ever meet those people who walk around classrooms fixing every table so that they’re all lined up perfectly to one another? Or the kind who go around working every little detail that doesn’t make sense to them? Or better yet, the ones who come across as super controlling and an idea generally never works for them unless it’s theirs?

Yes. I am all the above. Every single one.

I absolutely Love to plan things and I LOVE when things turn out PERFECT to the T…at least my version of perfect, anyway.

I think that in many ways, our culture glorifies this. The idea that we need to know what we’re doing and that we need to constantly be pushing ourselves to not just win some sort of (success) race, but to win that race by ten miles. Coming in first is no longer enough. In order to be happy, life needs to be perfect, Right?

I mean, how many times have we watched movies in which the woman is looking for the ‘perfect’ man or someone is looking for the ‘perfect’ job? How often has that happy ending been the ‘perfect‘ ending–where everything goes back to the way it’s supposed to be?

But here’s the real truth:
My obsession with perfectionism, drove me into an addiction to pornography.

Growing up as a pastor’s kid, I never thought that I would ever struggle with porn. And I was a woman, so the odds of me ever dealing with something like this were super slim…right?

That was probably the first mistake I made: When we underestimate the power of temptation, we fall right into it.

How does perfectionism play into this?

You see, when you constantly live with the idea that life needs to be perfect in order for you to attain true joy, you get muddled up into a whole lot of bad habits because you’re chasing after something that really isn’t there.

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